Stop the Cycle of Violence!

(This article appeared in the January-March 2011 issue of The American Postal Worker magazine.)

Joyce B. Robinson, Research & Education Department Director

Many people believe that domestic violence is a private matter, but it’s not. It is a critical problem that affects us all. Domestic violence occurs in every community, and in workplaces and schools across the country. To solve this problem, we must end the silence and change our attitudes toward this type of crime.

In an abusive relationship, the abuser may use a number of tactics to maintain power and control over his or her partner. These include emotional and verbal abuse; isolation; threats; intimidation, and physical abuse.

Who Are the Victims?

Women are attacked about six times more often than men are, and by offenders with whom they have had an intimate relationship. Nearly 30 percent of all female homicide victims are killed by their husbands, boyfriends, or exes.

In contrast, just over 3 percent of male homicide victims were killed by their wives, girlfriends, or exes.

Why Do Victims Stay?

The most common response from outsiders about domestic abuse is, “Why doesn’t he or she just leave?” However, it is not always that easy. Shelters for abuse victims are often full, and sometimes victims find that their family, friends, and co-workers do not give them the support they need. Some victims may feel that they cannot provide for their family on their own. Many live in fear of physical harm or even death if they leave an abusive partner.

Other victims suffer from what is known as the Love and Hope Syndrome: They love their abusers, and may find it difficult to separate emotionally; instead, they hope their abuser will change. These victims often try to hide the abuse or justify it to loved ones.

Have a Safety Plan

Victims in abusive relationships need a safety plan, which should be individualized — taking into account age, marital status, whether children are involved, geographic location, and available resources.

When creating a safety plan, victims should:

• Think about all possible escape routes — Doors, first-floor windows, basement exits, elevators, stairwells. Rehearse escape plans if possible. 
• Choose a safe place to go — Homes of friends or relatives who will offer unconditional support; a motel or hotel, or a shelter for victims of abuse. 
• Pack a survival kit -Money for cab fare, a change of clothes, extra house and car keys, birth certificates, passports, medications and copies of prescriptions, insurance information, checkbook, credit cards, legal documents such as separation agreements and protection orders, address books, and valuable jewelry, and papers that show jointly owned assets. Conceal these things in a bank deposit box or leave it with a trusted neighbor, friend, or relative. 
• Start an individual savings account — Have statements sent to a trusted relative or friend. 
• Avoid arguments with the abuser in areas with potential weapons — Avoid the kitchen, garage, or in small spaces lacking access to an outside door.

Offer Support to the Abused

When offering support to a victim of domestic abuse, do not be judgmental; be supportive. For example, say to the victim, “I’m afraid for you and your children’s safety, and I’m here for you when you decide to leave.”

In addition, speak out publicly against domestic violence; call the police if you see or hear evidence of domestic violence; take action when a neighbor, co-worker, friend, or family member is being abused; encourage your neighborhood watch organization to look out for domestic violence, and to report it to the police; reach out to support someone whom you believe is a victim of domestic violence; talk with a person who you believe is being abusive to his/her partner; invite speakers to your church, professional organization, civic group, or workplace, and support domestic violence counseling programs and shelters.

If you or someone you know are victims of domestic violence, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at (800) 799-7233,or the Employee Assistance Program(EAP), at (800) 327-4968. Both services are strictly confidential.